Millennial Millions – SNL

>> A MORTGAGE YORE JUST CASH. ALL THESE CAN BE YOURS ON MILLENNIAL MILLIONS. HERE’S YOUR HOST, DAVE TULANE. >> HELLO. HELLO AND ...WELCOME TO MILLENNIAL MILLIONS. WE HAVE GOT TWO YOUNG CONTESTANTS. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. >> HEY, DAVE. I’M 26 YEARS OLD AND I LOVE TO GET THAT HEALTH INSURANCE BECAUSE MY COMPANY USES A LOT OF FREE LANCERS AND WE DON’T GET BENEFITS. >> IT’S TOUGH TO WORK AT A START UP. WHAT’S THE NAME OF YOUR COMPANY? >> GOOGLE. >> GREAT WE HAVE DYLAN KNOT. >> DOING GREAT. I’M 25 WITH A MASTERS FROM NYU AND I’M AN INTERN AT BURGER KING. >> OH, THE CORPORATE OFFICE? >> NO. >> WELL, THAT’S ROUGH. THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU MILLENNIALS CAN WIN LOTS OF CASH AND PRIZES. DON’T GET IT LET TAKEN BY OUR BABY BOOMERS. THAT’S RIGHT, BEHIND THAT WALL ARE SEVERAL BOOMERS WAITING TO TAKE THAT MONEY FOR THEMSELVES. OUR FRIEND MELANIE HAS A SONG ABOUT THEM. COME ON OUT.

>> GOOD EVENING. NOW, WHO ARE THE BOOMERS? WELL, THEIR PARENTS CAME HOME FROM WORLD WAR II AND HAD A LOT OF SEX AND HAD A LOT OF KIDS AND KIDS GREW UP IN THE TIME WHERE AMERICA WAS THE ONLY SUPER POWER LEFT AND THEY PLAYED ALL THE MUSIC AND DID ALL THE DRUGS AND HAD ALL THE SEX AND WENT TO COLLEGE AND GOT ALL THE JOBS AND MADE ALL THE MONEY AND BOUGHT ALL THE HOUSES AND THEY WON’T EVER DIE. THEY’RE THE BOOMERS! >> THANK YOU, MELANIE. I HOPE THAT SUMS IT UP. CARRIE, GIVE US A START. >> HERE WE GO. COME ON, HEALTH INSURANCE! AND STOP. >> OKAY. YOU GOT SOCIAL SECURITY. >> AWESOME. FREE MONEY WHEN I’M OLD. >> OH, WELL, NOT IF A BOOMER TAKES IT ALL FIRST. WHO DO WE GOT? OKAY, IT’S THE PARROT HEAD BOOMER. THAT’S RIGHT. SHE WORKED AS A BANKER FOR 30 STABLE YEARS AND THEN GOT AN $8 MILLION SEVERANCE AND MOVED TO KEY WEST. THIS BOOMER IS GOING TO COMPLAIN FOR 30 SECONDS. MAKE IT THAT WHOLE TIME WITHOUT INTERRUPTING AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY IS YOURS.

>> OKAY. THAT SOUNDS EASY. >> IT SOUNDS EASY, BUT YOU MILLENNIALS LOVE ANYTHING THAT CHALLENGES YOUR WORLD VIEW. 30 SECONDS. >> YOU YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE IT SO EASY AND YOU SIT AROUND EATING AVOCADO TOAST WATCHING MOVIES ON YOUR PHONE. I NEVER HAD THAT. I HAD TO WORK. $8 MILLION IS NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE. SO OF COURSE I’M TAKING THE SOCIAL SECURITY. >> I’M SORRY. I CAN’T. YOU ARE TAKING THE SOCIAL SECURITY. BITCH, YOU ARE RICH! >> OOH, SORRY, CARRIE. YOU DIDN’T KEEP YOUR COOL. >> IT FEELS SO UNFAIR. >> MAYBE YOU CAN TWEET ABOUT IT. THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING. MY GOODNESS. I’M JUST PLAYING. I’M GEN-X. I SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND WATCH THE WORLD BURN. DEVIN, YOU’RE UP. >> LET’S DO THIS. COME ON, MORTGAGE. AND STOP. >> DEBT RELIEF.

THIS CAN PAY OFF YOUR COLLEGE LOANS UP TO $100,000. >> AWESOME. THAT WILL COVER LIKE HALF. >> I THINK A BOOMER WANTS SOME OF THAT MONEY. WHO’S THERE? IT’S THE COLLECTOR BOOMER. HE WIRES EVERYTHING HE WANTED IN HIS YOUTH AND OWNS SIX VINTAGE CARS AND A WALL OF GUITARS. HE’S ONLY AN ORTHODONTIST. >> NOW THIS IS MUSIC! >> WE WILL GIVE YOU THE DEBT RELIEF IF YOU LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT INTERRUPTING. >> I’M RETIRING AND FREE UP A JOB FOR YOU. OUR HOUSE ON THE CAPE IS A TAX NIGHTMARE AND THE SCOTTSDALE PLACE. IT’S TOO MUCH. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. >> SELL ONE! NO ONE NEEDS THAT MANY HOUSES! >> TOO BAD. LOOKS LIKE DYLAN LEFT IN A MILLENNIAL SUBMIT.

I GUESS HE HAD TO FIND A SAFE SPACE. AGAIN, I AM GEN-X. I SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING LIKE A REFEREE AT WRESTLE MANIA. CARRIE, IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY. YOU GET TO PLAY FOR THE BOOMER BIRTH RIGHT BONANZA. A FULL TIME JOB, A STARTER HOME, NO STUDENT DEBT AND WE WILL THROW IN THE SOCIAL SECURITY. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU WILL GET EVERYTHING THE BOOMERS GOT FOR BEING BORN AT THE RIGHT TIME.

>> GREAT. THAT HURTS TO HEAR. >> TO WIN IT YOU HAVE TO GET LIFE ADVICE FROM THE TOUGHEST BOOMER OF ALL. YOUR DAD! >> HI, PUMPKIN. >> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT DAD, GIVE US A TASTE OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TELL HER. >> I DON’T HAVE STUDENT LOANS BECAUSE I WORKED THROUGH COLLEGE. >> BECAUSE COLLEGE COST $300 BACK THEN. >> DON’T START WITHOUT ME NOW. THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK. .

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